The angel Mandy sighed. She knew that she had been foolish. Trying to get one past God, Hah! What had she been thinking? God was omnipresent and omnipotent. He was also pretty spiteful when you pissed him off. If only she hadn't eaten that burger.

One of the popes on Earth had abolished that no meat on Friday rule a few years back. It's a pity because the Catholics were on the right track up until then. Now they would burn in hell with all the other heathens who had not followed the one true faith. God never agreed to the whole infallibility business. That was just created by humans for humans. The rule applied to all the angels and saints too. Silly rule it was too, just a stupid power trip. Mandy had broken it.

She had been on a guardian mission down among God's wee projects on Earth. Assuming her humanoid form she followed her charge down Royal Avenue in Belfast, Northern Ireland. His name was Jim Quinn and he was a good Catholic. Unfortunately he was getting on a bit in his old age and as a result he had gotten a little bit forgetful. He was about to commit the ultimate sin and eat meat on a Friday. Being from the old school he had followed the rule his whole life and this was to be his first infraction. Because it was a first and not even intentional God had authorised an intervention.

So Mandy stood in the queue behind Jim as he waited at the burger stall for a slab of fried minced beef and greasy onions on a stale bun. As she waited with Jim the smell of the frying meat attacked her nostrils. One of the things she enjoyed about being on earth was the opportunity to experience the five senses. Being a celestial body was nice and all but the raw effect of the human senses of sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch were an unknown pleasure. It was on the same par as a hit of mainlined heroin to a needle virgin. Her mouth began to water as she contemplated the unforgivable.

When the old man was handed his burger he turned to find a wooden bench to sit on while he consumed his feast. However, his path was blocked by one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. And he watched TV every night so that was a heck of a lot of women to be compared to. He opened his mouth to utter an apology and the young woman stepped forward and passionately French kissed the old man. He experienced a brief but intense surge of pleasure just before his heart stopped. His body slowly crumpled to the ground and his soul made its way to the pearly gates. The mission was a success.

Mandy had saved Jim's mortal soul and sent it to heaven in the most pleasant way possible. Unfortunately, as the man sank to the ground Mandy reached out and took his burger. She had to give in to the temptation. As the ambulance arrived on the scene and the police took statements, from the witnesses who didn't actually notice Mandy, she sat on the bench that Jim had been on his way to. She began to eat. Each bite was more delicious than the last and it disappeared in a heart beat. It was the most intense feeling Mandy had ever experienced. The taste of the burger mixed with the guilt of committing such a sin was phenomenal.

But now she would pay.

She stood before the creator of all things and awaited the verdict. There could only be one outcome of course. Guilty! The proceedings were just a sadistic way to stretch out the punishment announcement a bit more. It added a bit of drama. God Spoke;

"You are hereby found guilty of eating meat on a Friday angel Mandy. Your punishment shall be MUTATION!"

There was a collective gasp from the jury of seraphs. This was the worst punishment imaginable. God must have been in a real stinker of a mood to spring that one on poor Mandy.

Mandy herself began to panic. She couldn't be a mutant. She would rather be banished to Earth in the form of a cat, the most evil and soulless creature on the planet. But naturally God's word was final. Her fate had been sealed.

As Mandy felt her angelic form begin to change she realised that she may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb. In an instant she went on a rampage of sins the like of which had never been seen in heaven. She grabbed the nearest saint's halo and tossed it like a Frisbee at the Holy Spirit. As the halo hit the dove from its heavenly perch Mandy's wings began to blacken and curl upwards. She poked another angel in the eye and she grew a dorsal fin between the soot encrusted twisted wings. She ran at Jesus and kneed him in the groin and her hands morphed into crude flippers. She sang songs about sodomy and swore at the top of her voice until her tongue began to swell in her mouth. She grew eyes in her armpits as she did an obscene naked jig. Her nose became a snout as she tried to assault a cherub. She sprouted tentacles from her chest as she had impure thoughts about Lucifer. Her legs shortened to stumps as she broke wind. Her hair turned to spaghetti as she peed on the floor. And finally her brain turned to mush as she tried to think of more sins to commit.

When the incontinent, farting, snuffling atrocity began to calm down and accept its place in the hierarchy of heaven, God looked at the mess it had made. He cast His eye around the court room at all the gathered angels and saints and said,

"That was a bit mad, wasn't it?"