The Memoirs of Sonny Boy Blow
by
Christopher Danaher

Success is the way of the wise.

(...and falling short is a message from god.)

- Sonny's Mama

* * *

Back in the day, when Reagan was president (he won't mind my using his name), I had a friend - allergic to onions.

He liked to eat at Taco Bell... but had to get the unhappy teens to put their rubber gloves on, and make his tacos "fresh".

Then, one day, he got on a gameshow. "Bobbing for Onions," or some stupid thing.

He stuck his face in, and opened his mouth... and came up grinning, with a big hairy onion.

"All he had to do" to "win" was take a bite, and pick his prize.

"Eat your apple," he thought to himself... and took two bites - to please the crowd.

He chewed the stuff, while his skin turned hot - his face was dripping, but this was it.

"Rah, rah..."

The crowd was churning. Which should he pick?

"Two, two..."

He turned his throbbing red face to the host. "Box number one," he said in triumph.

* * *

Sometimes I wonder what he was thinking when they raised the box. What that look on his face meant... and if he was grateful that he had picked the "dummy prize"...

... eight rolls of toilet paper...


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