Fiction

December 7, 1996
(Featuring Reggie, Lara and Mama)
by Alec S. Scott

Reggie, Lara and Mama move to the suburbs.

Their new house is big and clean and white.

After they have unpacked their furniture and belongings and arranged them just so, Lara sits Mama down and turns on Cops. "After all," she explains, "it's Mama's favorite show."

The couple strolls outside to admire the front lawn.

The grass is painted green.

"Isn't it great?" enthuses Lara. "Our lawn is painted with real green paint!"

"Yeah!"

Across the street ' from behind a stained-glass screen that hides the front door of a dark, dilapidated house ' a lascivious voice calls out: "Hey, lllaaaaddyy!"

An old man in a wheelchair rolls into view. He leers at Lara. He sails down his sidewalk, down his driveway and into the street; grabs Lara's ass and sinks long dirty nails into her flesh.

She smacks him.

He lets go.

She follows Reggie into the house and slams the door.

A Japanese woman, her impassive face painted white, floats out from behind the stained-glass screen, into the street, and pushes the old man back toward his yard...

The couple finds Mama in the foyer.

"What's wrong, Mama?"

"Cops was on and I saw you."

Then a car screeches to a halt outside.

Reggie opens the door and peers into the front yard: A big black man in a big black car has pulled up; the leering old man and the Japanese woman have disappeared.

Reggie watches the black man climb out of his car, cross the lawn and approach the house. He tries to close the door but the black man is too fast, lunging at the last moment and blocking it with his foot, grabbing the doorknob and shoving it forward.

"Let me in!" he cries.

"Go away!" yells Reggie.

"I want this house," cries the black man, "it's better than mine! My girlfriend don't like my house so I'm takin' this one!"

As Reggie struggles to keep him out, Lara moves Mama aside and backs up. She runs through the living room, into the foyer, and — with the momentum of her slight body — slams the door shut.

Reggie locks it.

The black man punches and kicks the door repeatedly, demanding the couple let him in. "Come on, you motherfuckin' fuckers! You honky pieces of shit! You fuckin' motherfuckers!"

He continues in this manner for quite some time; then he falls silent and just stands there...

He lights a cigarette and stalks back to his car.

He curses the couple and squeals away.

Lara takes Mama to the television, returning to Reggie and smiling. "I have a surprise," she tells him.

She goes outside but doesn't come back.

Reggie starts to worry...

As he steps outside to search for her, the Japanese woman, her kimono fluttering like a flag, floats out from behind the stained-glass screen and glides toward him.

He runs over to a column under the next-door neighbor's carport and hides. He finds Lara there in a crouching position.

"I'm invisible too," she grins. She stands up and kisses him. "Wanna see your birthday cake?"

"Sure."

They peer past the column.

The coast is clear.

They go to their car, parked in the neighbor's driveway, and climb in. At the same time, the Japanese woman, back across the street, peeks out from behind the stained-glass screen; as she sees the couple her eyes widen, her mouth becomes an astonished "O", and a Japanese soldier, grinning with big white buckteeth, appears at her side.

Lara starts the car and backs out of the driveway.

She pulls away from the neighbor's house and Reggie flips the Japanese soldier off; the Japanese soldier runs into the street behind them, pulling a pistol from his belt holster and aiming it. "Bong!" he shouts, meaning "bang," then lowers the gun and just stands there.

He grows smaller and smaller through the car's rear window.

Reggie faces the front and looks worried.

"You know," observes Lara, beaming pleasantly at the passing houses, "the good thing is, if we don't like it out here we can always go back to Jesus."

"Yeah...listen, that man had a gun."

"I'm sure Mama's fine."

"But both doors are unlocked, and it's a service pistol."

"Oh jeez, then we'd better go back ..."

They get onto the Interstate and drive six-and-a-half miles; get caught in a traffic jam and travel 52 feet; reach the off ramp two hours later and re-enter the neighborhood.

The whole time they don't speak.

After driving the scenic route — "They'll be expecting us early," notes Lara — they pull up before the house.

The sun has set.

The street is empty.

The couple climbs out of the car and scans the front yard: The grass is now withered and paint-chipped and the sprinkler heads are leaking.

As they step onto the sidewalk, the front door of the house slowly creaks open. It is dark inside.

Reggie motions Lara to stay behind. He approaches the house alone, tiptoeing cautiously through the crunchy grass. When he reaches the front door he timidly touches the knob; Lara cries out in pain.

He spins around to find her back in the middle of the street, where the old man in the wheel chair has reappeared, and is pulling up her dress, pulling down her panties, and poking a crooked forefinger into her vagina.

As Reggie rushes back to Lara's side, the Japanese woman, once more expressionless, circles out from behind the stained glass screen and pulls the old man away.

The finger that was inside Lara is now covered in blood.

"You're no bluffing bride," growls the old man.

"Oh my God," moans Reggie.

"It's all right," shrugs Lara, pulling up her panties. "It's just my period."

The old man suddenly tumbles to the ground, as if shoved by invisible hands, and a strong wind blows Reggie over to him, vanishing as he kicks the cripple over and over in the stomach and balls.

"You motherfuckin' fucker! You old piece of shit! You fuckin' motherfucker!" he shouts.

Then the black man appears at the front door of the house. "What the hell's going on out here?"

Reggie stops kicking the old man and faces him. "HEY! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

As he stalks toward the front yard the black man warns him: "You better stay off my lawn, mister!"

"It's my lawn!" yells Reggie.

"Don't come near my house!"

"It's my house!" yells Reggie.

"Our house," reminds Lara.

The front door opens further to reveal Mama, standing beside the black man in blackface and an Afro wig. "You heard him," she tells Reggie. "Stay the hell out of our yard, nigger!"

Lara laughs: "'Yard-nigger!'"

Reggie reaches the front lawn and stops walking. "I don't understand."

"Ain't nothin' to understand," says the black man. "You just better leave."

"But it's my— "

"It ain't your property!" bellows Mama. "Who the hell told you that? The 'Land Lord'?"

She laughs raucously.

"But..." says Reggie.

Lara steps up beside him. "Come on," she whispers, taking his arm, "let's go eat your cake..."

As Lara walks Reggie back to the car, the Japanese woman pulls the old man into his wheel chair and pushes him back to his yard, where the Japanese soldier is now waiting. (They all disappear behind the stained-glass screen.)

Lara opens the trunk and produces a big white cake.

She hands it to Reggie and climbs into the front seat.

Reggie climbs in beside her and offers her a bite.

She declines.

"It's not a toy now," she explains gravely. "It's a learning disability."

As Lara cranks the engine, Mama and the black man step inside their house and lock the door...

Reggie picks up the cake and starts to eat it with his bare hands.

Messy.

Sad.

Bitter as they drive away...