This is the story of one poor, misguided little fool by the name of Steve. Where Steve was and why he was there is a mystery; it is only known that he was not quite right in the head. Yes, there was many a thing both wrong and disturbing a brewin' in his sick little head, and who really knows why he did the thing that he did? One thing we do know about Steve and his travels is one series of events that took place somewhere, sometime in the deep recesses of time and space. This is the tale:

As the story tells us, Steve one day found himself in the midst of what appeared to be a strange scavenger hunt game. The "scavenger hunt" was seemingly under control of a small gathering of peoples in what appeared to be a strange day-camp. There were no children present, however, with the possible exception of the child of Satan, whom many attribute these strange doings to. We may never know where or when this event truly took place, but we do know it took place in a heavily forested area. The trees were supposedly several hundred feet high, and where their tops grew, a thick canopy blocked out the sun in places high above, leaving only patches of light to navigate by. Steve was assigned a partner, a black male whose name was never revealed, or if it was, was not remembered when the tale was first told.

At that point, the time apparently came for the hunt to get underway because the two found themselves heading off into the woods, searching for the unknown scavenger. With no list of items, and no previous instructions, the two had not a clue what they were searching for. Long hours passed as they wandered deeper still into the seemingly endless forest, and as the time passed, it became increasingly obvious that they had no method of returning to whatever civilization they had first ventured from. The forest had no path, and despite the passing of time, the sun had not changed even remotely its position in the sky. Not that any of this even once aroused worry or fear of starvation within Steve's hollowed skull, since he was, as mentioned above, quite insane, a fact of which Steve was blissfully unaware. After many hours of wandering aimlessly through the dense and sylvan glen, Steve and his partner came across a giant rook, much like the kind found on a chessboard. The structure was located rather arbitrarily in the forest, with no path, road, or even a small clearing about it to signify civilization. It seemed to have been randomly placed in the forest with no apparent purpose. Still, this appeared quite normal to Steve, being the unstable time bomb that he was.

Sure that this was what they were seeking, the two entered the rook. What resulted was truly bizarre, as from the outside, the rook appeared to be several hundred feet in height, and possibly more than that in width. But when viewed from the interior, it appeared to be mere feet to the top, as well as in diameter. Following a spiral staircase leading to the top of the structure, the two came to a door, and on it was written "DR. KERBLACKENSTEIN." Through the door, they came across a freakishly large room, far greater in diameter than the space below, defying all the laws of physics. The large, circular room was altogether dark and empty, save for a strange object in the center. Within the center were floating a small carbon rod, and an odd-looking, glowing green key.

"What are we supposed to do with these?" asked Steve.

"I dunno!" replied his partner, rather slovenly.

Filled suddenly with uncontrollable rage, Steve grabbed the carbon rod from its midair suspension, and hit his partner with great force in the head, killing him. At that point, Steve was heard to shout "THAT IS FOR INSUBORDINATION!!!" As he said this, his face grew quite large and distorted, stretching up and then arching down to the still corpse of his now dead partner. Glancing quickly across the room, he then noticed a rather large keyhole in the wall. He strolled over to the floating center and grabbed the key. Suddenly, and rather spontaneously, a small, angry face emerged from the side of the key's amorphous handle and said "PUT ME DOWN, STEVE!" Steve, however, was far too crazy to pay much notice to this, and may have even thought this was funny. Vigorously trying to cram the easily fit key into the hole, he eventually managed to get it in. Suddenly, the wall separated into a smaller section, and opened as a door would. On the other side of the door, much to Steve's horror (or possibly bliss, you know Steve!) there was a TRAIN, coming at him at impossibly high speed! Just as it seemed both Steve and the room would be shattered to fragments by the careening freight train, it shot through the door. As it did, it emerged in the form of a little toy train, on small tracks, which kept pace with it as it moved.

Here ends the tale of Dr. Kerblackenstein.

So there you have it: the happenings of the terrifying story behind what went on that one fateful day. Where Steve was and why he was there remains a mystery, as it will for decades, possibly millennia to come. Where in the sick, tattered recesses of one's mind these events were derived is unknown as well, and it is a cautionary tale, to be sure. The mysterious Dr. Kerblackenstein remains an enigma, if it ever existed at all. Perhaps the story is true. Or maybe it is a sick lie told for the sole purpose of keeping mankind guessing at its meaning for eons to come. All we know is this: At least this time, we have won.