One fine day, a man named Carlos sat down to play a game of checkers with a duck who'd become his friend while walking through the park some days ago. The two sat cross-wise over a stone table whose checkerboard pattern had been inlayed several decades before by someone who neither of the two knew and who now either lived someplace far away or who was dead.

"Quite a fine day for checkers, eh?" said Carlos.

"I hate checkers," said the duck.

"But you come here everyday to play and your name is even Checkers. You're Checkers the duck," Carlos said.

"My name is NOT checkers. That's just what you call me and I hate that too. I've told you my name again and again, but you refuse to use it. Why?" asked the duck.

"Yes Checkers, I love the way the children come to play here on the monkey bars. It reminds me of when I was child and would come to the park to play on the monkey bars myself," said Carlos.

At this point, the duck thought Carlos to simply be stupid and saw no indication that he might be a danger to himself or others. Perhaps he was deaf. That would justify the matter. He just could not hear the words being spoken; so, the duck scrawled a short note giving Carlos his actual name, educational background, likes, interests and the what-nots and slid it over the stone table as Carlos laid the black and red pieces into their starting positions.

"What is this Checkers? Some poor child has strayed by and dropped their homework by our game here. They might fail their class if we don't return it!" he said not even bothering to read the letter.

Carlos raced to the monkey bars and wrenched down the first child he came across, thrusting the note into a little girl's pocket and making her cry, then he returned and took his seat and laid the last piece in place. The duck became angry and threw his 32 ounce diet drink in Carlos' face.

"Oh Checkers, you've spilled your beverage! Here take mine," said Carlos sliding his coffee cup across the cold stone.

Now the duck was furious. This man was not deaf. He was an imbecile. But being a duck and not having the largest brain distributed by God to mammals, he felt a strange pity for the man. For pity comes from the brain stem and all ducks possess is a brain stem… and a bill, feathers and of course, a full length crap tube.

Carlos thought hard on his first move. This was critical. If he mis-slid the first piece, the duck would have the advantage and would ruthlessly use that leverage against him. He stared over the playing field, trying to enter the mind of the duck. If this piece then that. But if that piece then this. It was so much pressure that Carlos' mind began to wander. He unzipped and zipped his pants. The sun moved slightly in the sky.

"Oh, you are very clever Checkers. I think you'll do this, but you won't! You'll do that! So I won't do this, I'll do the other and you won't expect that," he said.

"Now you've just told me what you're going to do," the duck said.

"No I haven't Checkers. I've only told you what I might do," he said.

"Same difference," said the duck.

Off to the side, where Carlos had broken the little girl's arm, someone had phoned the police. They arrived and took several statements, looked about in random directions and thought hard on things they had lost in their sofa cushions at home. After playing with the settings of their radio for a few minutes, the police approached the stone table.

"Well Checkers, I think I have you. There!" he said pushing out the third piece from the right in the first row. The police held back and stood silently for a moment, then shooed away the cluster of ducks gathered about the man.

"Ah ha Checkers! My first move was so intimidating that you feel the need to run away. You can't win now. Can you?" said Carlos.

The police arrested Carlos and after that, people felt the park was safe.