She was disoriented. Her head swam in confusion as she wandered the garden and contemplated the seemingly insane words of the unseen Lord. This smug and arrogant host insisted that not only had he just created her, but he'd done it using a rib (of all things) removed form a sleeping Adam (that stupid, imbecilic curly-haired waif whom this Lord person assigned as her "mate"). She just KNEW that was crazy, even in her bewildered state. But was she sure? Her severe case of amnesia had prevented her from remembering anything prior to today and who she really was.

The Lord told her that her name was Eve. She was a stunningly gorgeous creature of ultimate womanhood. Her long, wild hair rested gently on her extremely curvaceous, voluptuous, swarthy toned body. Large, soft breasts complemented by fertility goddess hips; thick and powerful legs and thighs; and a large, round ass. Her gentle arms swayed only slightly as she walked. Her magnificent mane framed a mature but pretty face accented by narrow, piercing hazel eyes.

Adam, on the other hand, was a pale and skinny spazz of a man. His ridiculous curly blond hair looked almost permed. His big nose and wild, gigantic brown eyes contributed to his freakish, comical appearance. A perpetually moronic grin showcasing his large gums and slightly bucked teeth didn't help. Though his manhood was fairly large, it craved only the inaccessible holes of those aforementioned beasts rather than Eve's bushy, inviting slit. He cut quite a tragic figure and was certainly not worthy of Eve's attention whatsoever.

Eve's fractured thoughts were rudely interrupted by a high pitched, nasal shriek from the trees above. Adam swung into full view on a gnarled vine. His wail was cut short when he slammed into a huge tree and fell within five feet of the startled Eve.

Adam immediately got up and started to dance wildly, his long member swinging like the vine he rode in on. "Tiny hole blueberry squirrel!" he shouted as he danced in circles around her. "Moogy-foogy whalebone pardon my juice, Mr. Squirrelllll" he leered as he started to beat off furiously.

"FUCK OFF!" Eve screamed as she kicked Adam square in the chest, sending him with a thud back on to the ground. She immediately ran away, crying and cursing as she fled the scene.

Adam continued to lay there, covered in grass and skittering ants as he ejaculated all over himself. "Ape clit shebang," he muttered to himself. "Dandelion tell no lines." Saliva bubbles formed from his mouth.

Eve, with her face buried in her left hand, leaned against a tree and wept. "This is BULLSHIT," she sobbed. "Fucking BULLSHIT!" Her right fist repeatedly pounded the massive surface of the tree. "I don't know ANYTHING!"

"Eve."

That scared the shit out of her. Letting out a gasp she whirled around three times to see where that voice was coming from.

"Eve."

There it was again! Who was messing with her this time? This did not sound like the Lord's voice. This was different. Quieter, yet piercing the moment. It was very deep and seductive. And slightly hoarse.

"Eeeeve," the voice teased.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?!" She wailed in exasperation. Her teary expression turned into a mask of scowling laser beam rage. She did not notice the large snake reaching down to her from one of the branches of the seemingly ancient tree.

"Here."

Eve turned and was face to face with the grinning serpent. Its body displayed an immaculate design of red, yellow, orange and brown. The piercing, bright eyes on its tiny head were shrouded by semi-hornlike brows. She jumped back two feet.

"Don't worry. You're not hallucinating...although I ssssee they've tinkered with your brain quite a bit. You don’t' remember much, do you? I trust the so-called Lord has told you some crazy thingsss, hm?"

This is too crazy, she thought. "Okay, now..." she caught her breath. "Who, or WHAT are you?"

"My name is not important," said the serpent. "But you've come to the right place. Welcome…to the Tree of Knowledge."

"This is the Tree of Knowledge?" she asked. "This is the tree that God said not to eat from. Why, I don't know."

"My dear Eve," the serpent smirked, "Do you see ANY fruit on this tree? Any at all? Look hard, now."

"No," Eve half smiled.

"Reason Number One, " the serpent continued, "Why Mr. Lord Thy God is full of SHIT."

Eve couldn't resist a giggle.

"Find a comfortable place to sit," said the serpent, "And tell me everything that you remember. It doesn't matter how little you can recall. I need to know, so that I can help you."

Eve smiled at this wondrous creature and proceeded to tell him her story as he listened intently without interrupting.

When she finished, the serpent pondered for half a minute, flicking his tongue in contemplation. Finally he said, "Hmmm, yesss, that sounds like him. Well, this won't be easy for you to fathom, but let me tell you what we are up against."

According to the serpent, she had been severely drugged by this "Lord God", who is in reality a warrior king named James. He did NOT create the Earth. He is a murderous conqueror from another planet, genetically engineered by the optimistic fools of his previous world. He murdered them, of course. As well as most of the population of that environmentally devastated planet. With the exception of a sizeable colony of senators, militia, artists, linguistic experts, and scientists. Lord James led these colonials to this world to set up an elite new order and create an inferior subspecies to rule and toy with. The species would be known collectively as "humankind".

Created in a variety of types (or "races"), these humans would be vicious and infantile little cretins once they established their little societies. These "civilizations" would blanket the planet like a cancerous growth. Lord James and his associates would secretly influence humankind with contradicting superstitions and assorted asinine beliefs which would make these wretched demon-apes even more amusing to watch from afar.

Adam, who was an inbred child of two senators, is a prototype of this horrible experiment. Eve herself is the daughter of an artist whom Lord James raped, making him her father, naturally. She is to mate with Adam and spawn the first wave of these dreadful creatures.

When the serpent finished his tale Eve sat there stunned. It all seemed too fantastic and too much to take in, but logical at the same time. A lot more believable than that business with Adam's rib. That's for damn sure. "So are we fucked, or is there any way to stop this plan?" Eve asked. "Because I'll be damned if I’m gonna give birth to ANYTHING, much less a race of freaks."

The serpent smiled and said, "We must act quickly. Lord James will be strolling through this garden completely naked and looking to rape you. He is quite the sick bastard. We have to kill him. Once we do that, his associates will be quite easy to systematically destroy."

"How do you propose we do THAT?" she asked. "You said yourself he's not exactly a weakling."

"Unbeknownst to him, I hold dominion over the animal kingdom, " the serpent explained. "Get close enough to him and the most vicious of my available beasts will render him helpless. That will give you a chance to administer the final blow…if you want."

"You better believe that's what I want," a blood thirsty Eve hissed. "You know, it's too bad you're only a snake, because I'd fuck you when this is over. Hell, I still might." The serpent chuckled and hissed lustfully. "By the way," she continued, "What are you, anyway? It's obvious you're no mere animal. You know too much, and you seem to possess a lot of power. AND you can speak."

"I was Lord James' head zoologist," said the serpent. "One day the bastard decided that he was jealous of my superior knowledge of the various animal life on this planet. As a sick joke, he had his team of scientists transform me into a sssnake. I was banished to this wildernesss. BAD idea. My telepathic abilities were an accidental side effect of my transformation."

The plan went smoothly. Seconds before Lord James' cock was about to force its way into Eve's ass, a horde of chimpanzees descended upon the unsuspecting Lord and threw him off his would-be victim. James snapped three of the chimps' necks with little effort. Without warning an elephant tore through the clearing and pinned the naughty Lord to the ground with one foot. Jackals tore the Lord's legs to shreds as he screamed like a baby. Eve stood over James' head and snapped his neck with both hands. Just for effect, she gouged his eyes out and urinated in both sockets. She may have been hearing things, but she swore the elephant mumbled something like, "Damn, don't fuck with THIS bitch!"

In the following weeks, the rest of the colony was eventually destroyed, their would-be tyranny fading into memory. Eve and the serpent enjoyed a rich life together, making friends with various members of the animal kingdom and having bestial sex together. They were the toast of the wild world. Animaldom's Number One Couple.

And Adam? Eve immediately killed him and fed him to the crocodiles. Wouldn't you?

The threat of the human race never came to pass, and the earth and its denizens were allowed to exist without interference from any sort of flawed demon ape species.

And the serpent smiled and saw that this was good.